Copyright, 1998, by J.M. (Used here with permission of the author)
My butt's in danger here,
I want to go home,
And I am out of beer,
I want to go home,
Many have threatened me,
Nailed me right to the tree,
Grabbed balls and turned with glee,
I want to go home
Church growth is cancerous,
I want to go home,
Folks are cantakerous,
I want to go home,
See how they push and shove
Me in the name of "love,"
Drag my name through the mud,
I want to go home
Some want to speak in tongues,
I want to go home,
(They) pray that their will be done,
I want to go home,
The Spirit gives them Gift,
But they don't "feel" a lift,
So I get all their shi(f)t,
I want to go home
Lib'rals tell me I'm mean,
I want to go home,
"My" Truth's to them obscene,
Girls want to wear my robe,
Others call me a pope,
They'd like to get a rope,
I want to go home
Fam'lies a ball of nerves,
I want to go home,
Sometimes it's hard to serve,
I want to go home,
Wages are way too low,
I feel like letting go,
Cuz to hang on hurts so,
I want to go home
I carry so much debt,
I want to go home,
I'm tired as I can get,
I want to go home,
Could whine or I could wail,
Or turn to wine and ale,
Why can't they pay me scale?
I want to go home
Synod's political,
I want to go home,
CC's/DP's are critical,
I want to go home,
I'm feeling so bereft,
The church has shifted left,
I'm right but feel inept,
I want to go home
But I will murder not,
I want to go home,
Though things may go to pot,
I want to go home,
Jesus has called me here,
Loves me and drives out fear.
With scars He'll re-appear,
I want to go home
Ed. In this parody we hear the anquished cries of many Pastors who are in congregations that don't understand what the Lutheran Church is and why congregations and the Office of the Ministry exist. They seem to have forgotten that the church is God's and not man's to run like their own little society or business. Congregations want to be like other denominations. They think they can "hire and fire" Pastors for any reason, as they do janitors, without bringing God's judgement. Congregations often think the Pastor should provide a lot of gimmicks, programs, entertainment and a pleasant (warm and fuzzy) "experience" at all times. What pain these congregations cause to Pastors who simply want to preach and teach the pure Gospel and administer the unadulterated sacraments for the spiritual strength of the people.